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Splash Report

Splash Report is not a Tomatometer-approved publication. Reviews from this publication only count toward the Tomatometer® when written by the following Tomatometer-approved critic(s): J. Don Birnam.

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Rating Title | Year Author Quote
B
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) J. Don Birnam The film is styled as a critique of Gen Z but it is actually the opposite. Despite that betrayal, its plot keeps you guessing and the acting is solid, helping it overcome some of its messaging contradictions
Posted Aug 04, 2022  Edit critic review
B+
The Batman (2022) J. Don Birnam "The Batman" plays brilliantly like a murder horror mystery for 2h15, and then like a boring superhero movie for the last 30m. Thankfully the great vastly overwhelms the choppy.
Posted Feb 28, 2022  Edit critic review
B+
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021) J. Don Birnam A charming re-thread of the beloved original, with a fresh new endearing cast taking up the ghost busting mantle
Posted Nov 17, 2021  Edit critic review
B
Clifford the Big Red Dog (2021) J. Don Birnam Very cute film with its heart in exactly the right place and a good, positive family message
Posted Nov 15, 2021  Edit critic review
A-
Dune (2021) J. Don Birnam Chalamet's transformation from the young to the gritty Paul Atreides anchors and already solid and impressively rendered, technical marvel of an adaptation
Posted Oct 20, 2021  Edit critic review
D
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021) J. Don Birnam As infected as the original with unbearable dialogue and a predictable, uninteresting plot
Posted Sep 30, 2021  Edit critic review
B
PAW Patrol: The Movie (2021) J. Don Birnam Sweet film for toddlers that adults will find sufficiently entertaining as well--and the puppies are so darn cute!
Posted Aug 08, 2021  Edit critic review
B+
Jungle Cruise (2021) J. Don Birnam The chemistry between Blunt and Johnson, plus the right level of thrills, are enough to make entertaining an otherwise predictable and previously visited story
Posted Jul 30, 2021  Edit critic review
B
Old (2021) J. Don Birnam Superb acting and thematic resonance around the disturbing certainty of time passing are enough to make this one of the director's more memorable films of late
Posted Jul 23, 2021  Edit critic review
B-
A Quiet Place Part II (2021) J. Don Birnam Not nearly as tantalizing as the amazing original, the only relevant question for this movie is not whether it is good, but whether it will bring some noise back to movie theaters
Posted May 28, 2021  Edit critic review
C
Wrath of Man (2021) J. Don Birnam Ritchie and Statham team up for the fourth time, but perhaps the third was the charm. This revenge fantasy does nothing new or even clever (as Ritchie is well capable of) and even the bloodiest of revenges feels unsatisfying
Posted May 06, 2021  Edit critic review
C-
Crisis (2021) J. Don Birnam Tries to be "Traffic" but instead gets trafficked into non-sense plot lines and unbelievable scenarios even for a drug film
Posted Feb 24, 2021  Edit critic review
A
Judas and the Black Messiah (2021) J. Don Birnam Daniel Kaluuya's riveting performance as a Black Panther leader punctuates this compelling, timely, and ultimately tragic picture by Shaka King
Posted Feb 13, 2021  Edit critic review
B
Land (2021) J. Don Birnam This straight-forward but beautifully shot film about a woman finding a will to live is a promising debut by director Robin Wright
Posted Feb 13, 2021  Edit critic review
A
Mass (2021) J. Don Birnam A disturbing but effective imagining of what survivors of these sort of tragedies must experience, punctuated by powerful acting by all four stars
Posted Feb 04, 2021  Edit critic review
A-
Passing (2021) J. Don Birnam Tessa Thompson and Ruth Negga deliver authoritative and powerful performances in this emotional and timely first feature by Rebecca Hall
Posted Feb 03, 2021  Edit critic review
B+
CODA (2021) J. Don Birnam A traditional coming of age story with a twist about overcoming adversity while following a dream, with a touching performance by young Emilia Jones
Posted Feb 02, 2021  Edit critic review
B-
Malcolm & Marie (2021) J. Don Birnam Zendaya gives an astounding performance as the troubled young muse of a movie director whose ruminations about the cinematic industry nearly ruin the entire picture
Posted Jan 27, 2021  Edit critic review
B-
Greenland (2020) J. Don Birnam Though there is no chemistry between the two parents struggling to survive the end of the world, the film presents a plausible enough doomsday scenario to transfix you while you see some behave well, some poorly, and everything become terrifying
Posted Dec 16, 2020  Edit critic review
D
Wild Mountain Thyme (2020) J. Don Birnam Clever spice-related allegories don't make this messy rom-com any less insipid and even wacky. A cute them song also is not enough to save it from it's own strange script.
Posted Dec 10, 2020  Edit critic review
D
Love, Weddings & Other Disasters (2020) J. Don Birnam A joyless, senseless film - as clumsy as its protagonists - whose title ("Disaster") says it all
Posted Dec 01, 2020  Edit critic review
A-
The Prom (2020) J. Don Birnam With uplifting songs, impressive performances, and just enough wit, THE PROM shows that sometimes breaking out into song and dance - as kitschy as it may seems - is just what the doctor ordered in these bleak times.
Posted Dec 01, 2020  Edit critic review
A-
Ma Rainey's Black Bottom (2020) J. Don Birnam This solid adaptation of the August Wilson play features excellent costumes, score, and makeup, but the show belongs to Chadwick Boseman's heart-breaking performance
Posted Nov 20, 2020  Edit critic review
B+
Ammonite (2020) J. Don Birnam Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan give quiet but passionate life to the two protagonists of this Francis Lee period drama, in the filmmaker's solid sophomore outing
Posted Nov 13, 2020  Edit critic review
A-
The Life Ahead (2020) J. Don Birnam Sophia Loren's moving portrayal of an aging, stern woman who nurtures the lost soul of an orphan immigrant boy turns a formulaic story into an emotionally beautiful film
Posted Nov 12, 2020  Edit critic review
B+
Freaky (2020) J. Don Birnam Inventive kills and humorous moments stemming from the film's body swap premise make "Freaky" a standout among its teen slasher companions, with plenty of tributes to classics from "Halloween" to "Scream" thrown in for good measure
Posted Nov 12, 2020  Edit critic review
B
Hillbilly Elegy (2020) J. Don Birnam The narrative is sloppy but the story has, at its core, invaluable insight (about fealty to family) that makes it more honest and therefore more effective than prior attempts to understand rural America. Close and Adams give stunning performances.
Posted Nov 10, 2020  Edit critic review
B+
Mank (2020) J. Don Birnam Fincher's flashy look back at Hollywood through the eyes of a boozy writer struggling to find his place is at times mesmerizing in both its technical and acting marvels
Posted Nov 06, 2020  Edit critic review
C
Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (2020) J. Don Birnam The "Borat" sequel is audacious and entertaining and satire, but unpersuasive (and, as stereotypical as the stereotypes it derides) as what the film really wants to be -- political commentary
Posted Oct 23, 2020  Edit critic review
B+
French Exit (2020) J. Don Birnam A film about a strange set of self-involved socialites , for whom you'd care little if it weren't for Michelle Pfeiffer's tour-de-force performance and an avalanche of clever turns-of-phrase
Posted Oct 21, 2020  Edit critic review
C-
Honest Thief (2020) J. Don Birnam Entertaining if you get past the contrived plot of corrupt FBI officials--until you realize it is all half-baked and inconsistent political dog whistles
Posted Oct 16, 2020  Edit critic review
D
The War With Grandpa (2020) J. Don Birnam The worst part about a movie with this questionable a premise - that a young kid is going to terrorize his grandfather to get his room back - is when it is not even funny, and this film will not make you laugh
Posted Oct 09, 2020  Edit critic review
B
The Trial of the Chicago 7 (2020) J. Don Birnam The truth of this sad episode in American history is a tad too strange and bloated to lend itself to a compelling theatrical adaptation, but Sorkin and his talented stars do the best they can with the material
Posted Oct 05, 2020  Edit critic review
A-
I Carry You With Me (2020) J. Don Birnam A beautifully rendered and heartfelt, true-to-life tale of two young gay Mexican lovers and the emotional and physical toll they pay to achieve their dreams.
Posted Oct 05, 2020  Edit critic review
B+
The Glorias (2020) J. Don Birnam A timely, satisfying, well-acted film (with the usual rambles mixed into insightful tidbits that characterize biopics) about the iconic feminist leader Gloria Steinem. Must watch in these urgent times.
Posted Sep 28, 2020  Edit critic review
A-
Nomadland (2020) J. Don Birnam An emotive, lyrical picture about a woman who finds stability in impermanence, "Nomadland" cements Chloe Zhao's as one of the defining young voices in modern cinema
Posted Sep 25, 2020  Edit critic review
B+
Mulan (2020) J. Don Birnam Dazzling vistas, costumes, and effect, together with solid performances make up for a mostly straight-forward and not risky story, but one that sends good messages to kids nevertheless
Posted Sep 03, 2020  Edit critic review
B+
Fatima (2020) J. Don Birnam An inspirational story about the power of faith and compassion in a seemingly hopeless world. It requires us to suspend our disbelief no more than your typical god-like superhero movie does and in that way is surprisingly conventional
Posted Aug 27, 2020  Edit critic review
B-
The Burnt Orange Heresy (2019) J. Don Birnam Stylish and moody, this noir-like film about art, art criticism, and their relationships to reality, is saved by superb performances by the impressive cast and an amusing enough plot, used to overcome the film's central message's shortcomings
Posted Aug 07, 2020  Edit critic review
B
Summerland (2020) J. Don Birnam Gemma Arterton grabs hold in this at times uneven but satisfying, escapist story about an author living in the British countryside during WWII--really about nostalgia and (importantly) hope for a better time
Posted Jul 30, 2020  Edit critic review
B-
My Spy (2020) J. Don Birnam "My Spy" breaks no new ground in the tried and true big spy meets clever kid genre, but amusing gags and cute supporting performances bring out enough laughs to make it worth it
Posted Jun 22, 2020  Edit critic review
C-
The Hunt (2020) J. Don Birnam Though a supposed commentary on the sad state of affairs in politics today, this ill-conceived, ultimately uninteresting film is more a reflection on the sad state of cinema, if anything
Posted Mar 11, 2020  Edit critic review
D+
The Way Back (2020) J. Don Birnam Ben Affleck does his best not to channel brother Casey in this unsubtle re-thread of Casey's Oscar winning performance, dressed up as a sports comeback movie
Posted Mar 04, 2020  Edit critic review
B+
The Invisible Man (2020) J. Don Birnam Elizabeth Moss elevates a simplified version of H.G. Wells' classic tale into a higher level of thrills and scares
Posted Feb 26, 2020  Edit critic review
D
Cats (2019) J. Don Birnam Perhaps I missed what all the purring is about, but the spectacle is more farcical than anything else
Posted Dec 19, 2019  Edit critic review
B+
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019) J. Don Birnam Don't blame the beloved and still entertaining characters for falling further and further into the grip of the Dark Side of Corporate Sith Overlords who insist on sucking the life force out of them.
Posted Dec 18, 2019  Edit critic review
B
Frozen II (2019) J. Don Birnam Great new tunes, a hilarious Olaf, and already beloved characters are powerful enough to elevate an otherwise clunky and frankly uninteresting story
Posted Nov 14, 2019  Edit critic review
B+
Charlie's Angels (2019) J. Don Birnam In the age of remakes meets #TimesUp, what better than a reloaded Charlie's Angels? Elizabeth Banks and Kristen Stewart bring oodles of talent to otherwise predictable but entertaining new film
Posted Nov 12, 2019  Edit critic review
B-
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019) J. Don Birnam With plenty of throwbacks to the brilliant two originals and an endless cascade of exciting if convoluted action sequences, Terminator: Dark Fate mostly rises above its otherwise clunky and unemotional story
Posted Oct 31, 2019  Edit critic review
B-
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019) J. Don Birnam Angelina Jolie and Michelle Pfeiffer shine as they square off as evil queens in a visually effective but messy and convoluted sequel to the revisiting of the classic story
Posted Oct 16, 2019  Edit critic review
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