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SportsAlcohol

SportsAlcohol is not a Tomatometer-approved publication. Reviews from this publication only count toward the Tomatometer® when written by the following Tomatometer-approved critic(s): Jesse Hassenger.

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Rating Title | Year Author Quote
B
Anyone But You (2023) Jesse Hassenger This rom-com embraces plenty of tropes – tries to pass them off as cutely Shakespearean, even – while at the same time rejecting the tacit prudishness of the genre revival we were supposedly getting via streaming services
Posted Dec 21, 2023  Edit critic review
A
Asteroid City (2023) Jesse Hassenger How many hats can balance on top of how many hats? The answer: A miraculous number of hats in a miraculous movie.
Posted Jun 16, 2023  Edit critic review
A-
Past Lives (2023) Jesse Hassenger Technology functions almost like a translator, allowing Nora and Hae Sung digital windows into their past selves that aren’t as static as simply flipping through old photos. Yet there are only so many miracles technology can perform.
Posted Jun 01, 2023  Edit critic review
B+
You Hurt My Feelings (2023) Jesse Hassenger The laughs feel fuller because the movie allows the truthfulness of that hurt to burn through the mild shenanigans of sneaking up on your spouse while he’s sock-shopping and hearing something you shouldn’t.
Posted May 25, 2023  Edit critic review
C+
Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania (2023) Jesse Hassenger Plays like an instant knockoff of Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, with far less of that pesky filmmaking to get in the way.
Posted Feb 14, 2023  Edit critic review
B-
80 for Brady (2023) Jesse Hassenger 80 for Brady is far better than it needs to be: better than Book Club, better than Fancy Grandpa Adventure Last Vegas, better than most of Diane Keaton’s movies from the past decade.
Posted Feb 03, 2023  Edit critic review
B
Pearl (2022) Jesse Hassenger Pearl, in a neat link to its predecessor, cheekily acknowledges that the magic of the movies can be plenty dangerous, too.
Posted Sep 15, 2022  Edit critic review
C-
Resurrection (2022) Jesse Hassenger It’s one thing to rig a card game; it’s quite another for the dealer attempt to convince you it’s actually been an interpretive dance.
Posted Jul 29, 2022  Edit critic review
B
The Batman (2022) Jesse Hassenger The darkness of The Batman is somehow both richly textured and flimsy–a painting done up on newsprint.
Posted Feb 28, 2022  Edit critic review
B-
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) Jesse Hassenger A heady cocktail of fan service, self-spoofing, tribute, and a splash of desecration, all rolled into a 150-minute spectacle.
Posted Dec 14, 2021  Edit critic review
B-
Antlers (2021) Jesse Hassenger It's a creepy, unsettling, and sometimes quite gnarly genre piece, and probably Cooper's most accomplished movie so far.
Posted Oct 29, 2021  Edit critic review
B-
Last Night in Soho (2021) Jesse Hassenger The second or third time you seem to be using one genre as an outlet for another, I dunno; maybe just make the damn musical already.
Posted Oct 29, 2021  Edit critic review
B
Halloween Kills (2021) Jesse Hassenger Halloween Kills is less conventionally satisfying than its predecessor. But this quality also makes it feel more like Green's film.
Posted Oct 14, 2021  Edit critic review
B-
The Eyes of Tammy Faye (2021) Jesse Hassenger Yet as the movie's too-infrequent visual flair and lack of scene-to-scene momentum fades, Chastain's performance, with all of its tricked-out actorly neediness, lingers.
Posted Sep 25, 2021  Edit critic review
C+
Blue Bayou (2021) Jesse Hassenger Chon, shooting on 16mm, gives the movie a vibrant, immediate look, but so much of what it's showing us feels acted, with scenes engineered to repeatedly reach boiling points, over and over.
Posted Sep 25, 2021  Edit critic review
C-
Dear Evan Hansen (2021) Jesse Hassenger Its phoniness, starting from Platt's masquerade and building from there, compounds and compounds, and no one involved, is willing to call the bluff.
Posted Sep 25, 2021  Edit critic review
D
Dating & New York (2021) Jesse Hassenger Some credit must be awarded to the actors: First, based on the available evidence, they did not flee the movie mid-shoot. (If they did, the movie wouldn't look much different; some of their scenes may well have been completed from the comfort of home.)
Posted Sep 09, 2021  Edit critic review
B-
Reminiscence (2021) Jesse Hassenger The way Jackman rattles around this effects-laden landscape, looking dissatisfied and lost, serves as a reminder of how gratifyingly uninterested Jackman has seemed in franchise-building in recent years.
Posted Aug 19, 2021  Edit critic review
A-
The Green Knight (2021) Jesse Hassenger There are more serious currents, but it's also a gnarly dorm-poster movie full of weird creatures, color-blocked psych-outs, and horny Alicia Vikanders.
Posted Jul 29, 2021  Edit critic review
B+
The Suicide Squad (2021) Jesse Hassenger Even more than the Guardians of the Galaxy pictures, Gunn's Suicide Squad overflows with characters and personalities.
Posted Jul 28, 2021  Edit critic review
B+
Old (2021) Jesse Hassenger What's impressive about Old is how closely Shyamalan ties the horrific stuff into his dorky sense of humor
Posted Jul 22, 2021  Edit critic review
D
Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021) Jesse Hassenger Though originally intended for theaters, it has an emptiness that seems custom-built for streaming: vaporous, worthless, yet somehow nearly two hours long.
Posted Jul 14, 2021  Edit critic review
C-
The Boss Baby: Family Business (2021) Jesse Hassenger It starts to feel like an endless carnival ride with delusions of theme-park grandeur. It jerks you around for 95 minutes, then sends you off insisting that it's just explained something about family.
Posted Jul 01, 2021  Edit critic review
B
Poser (2021) Jesse Hassenger There's a profound loneliness to this character, beautifully played by Mix, and an arrested adolescence to her desire for belonging.
Posted Jun 16, 2021  Edit critic review
3.5/5
Italian Studies (2021) Jesse Hassenger Leon and Kirby capture something wistful in the way this character seems to have to make her way in the city from scratch.
Posted Jun 16, 2021  Edit critic review
B-
Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021) Jesse Hassenger An enormous feast of Hero Cake. So much Hero Cake you could choke on it.
Posted Mar 17, 2021  Edit critic review
C-
Coming 2 America (2021) Jesse Hassenger Sometimes, usually around the Super Bowl, an enterprising corporation will entice a famous actor to reprise a famous role for 30 or 60 seconds at a time. This is like watching that type of ad for 105 minutes, give or take.
Posted Mar 04, 2021  Edit critic review
B
Izzy Gets the F... Across Town (2017) Jesse Hassenger Some of the movie's best moments just let Davis quietly react, scanning her face for the emotion barely concealed beneath a tired, embittered version of bravado.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
C+
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (2019) Jesse Hassenger Years may pass for these characters, but they aren't growing up alongside their audience.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
D
Kidnap (2017) Jesse Hassenger This premise is pure exploitation - or rather, it aspires to pure exploitation. Pure exploitation would be welcome in place of Kidnap, which is too vastly stupid to even exploit properly.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
B-
Ocean's 8 (2018) Jesse Hassenger This is all much less clever than Soderbergh's movies, less eager to wheedle audiences' expectations or stars' vanity.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
C
The Happytime Murders (2018) Jesse Hassenger It has very little feel for detective movies, and throws together a boilerplate plot not unlike the kind of copy-of-a-copy sorta-spoof you'd see in a Sesame Street segment.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
B-
Damsel (2018) Jesse Hassenger The Zellners have carefully crafted a movie that is often quite funny, and subversive to a point, but there isn't much soulfulness underneath the formal play.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
C-
Greta (2018) Jesse Hassenger Despite some contemporary touches, Greta feels like a screenplay that's been dusted off but not fully updated from an era when stalker thrillers were more common.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
B
Shazam! (2019) Jesse Hassenger This movie is a stew of secondhand powers, middling special effects, horror, and sentiment... and it is charming.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
C-
Pet Sematary (2019) Jesse Hassenger Gruesome and unpleasant, all while kinda-sorta insisting that it's making some kind of insight about the nature of death.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
B
Dragged Across Concrete (2018) Jesse Hassenger The second half of the film's epic running time is a remarkable achievement in sustained suspense without resorting to cheap shortcuts
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
B+
Gloria Bell (2018) Jesse Hassenger Uncommonly clear-eyed about the hard work of happiness, and the capriciousness of it.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
C+
Ad Astra (2019) Jesse Hassenger Given the effectiveness of Gray's more genre-y moments ,his insistence on paring his stories down to a kind of quietly masculine anguish feels perverse.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
C+
It: Chapter Two (2019) Jesse Hassenger As fun as it is to see the talented kids back on their bikes for certain scenes of It Chapter Two, the movie is an object lesson in the trickiness of portraying youthful friendships and then translating them into adult roles.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
C
The Goldfinch (2019) Jesse Hassenger The rough-edged-yet-tender friendship between Theo and Boris feels lived-in, yet somehow, when it resurfaces in adult form, it feels as phony and superficial as if the characters were being introduced for the first time.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
B
Underwater (2020) Jesse Hassenger Halfway decent January junk food, benefiting mightily from the presence of Kristen Stewart in a de facto Sigourney Weaver role.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
B-
The Gentlemen (2019) Jesse Hassenger Sometimes, The Gentlemen gives the impression that Ritchie doesn't consider this a return to form so much as an insistence that no number of flops would dare issue him a comeuppance.
Posted Feb 05, 2021  Edit critic review
B+
Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020) Jesse Hassenger Yan takes the movie's visual scheme further by making it more explicitly a part of Harley's character and psychology.
Posted Jan 30, 2021  Edit critic review
D
A Nice Girl Like You (2020) Jesse Hassenger There's an old, hacky bad-movie dunk that compares whatever film in question to a porn movie with the nudity and sex cut out. A Nice Girl Like You is like a softcore movie with the nudity, sex, and movie cut out.
Posted Jan 30, 2021  Edit critic review
B
Monster Hunter (2020) Jesse Hassenger Jovovich and Jaa share a rapport that feels utterly unforced, unfussed, and genuine.
Posted Jan 30, 2021  Edit critic review
A-
Nomadland (2020) Jesse Hassenger Zhao captures these landscapes (from the open road to the vastness of an Amazon packing center) with such a keen eye for the loneliness and freedom of this sort-of lifestyle
Posted Jan 30, 2021  Edit critic review
C-
Antebellum (2020) Jesse Hassenger Antebellum fails on the writing and directing levels before any of its cast has a real chance to salvage it. Live by a hooky concept, die by a hooky concept.
Posted Jan 30, 2021  Edit critic review
C+
Honest Thief (2020) Jesse Hassenger Honest Thief takes its title too seriously, painfully elucidating all the ways that Neeson really is a good guy,
Posted Jan 30, 2021  Edit critic review
B
French Exit (2020) Jesse Hassenger There's something comically purgatorial about where French Exit ends up, yet the movie has a certain oddball warmth, too.
Posted Jan 30, 2021  Edit critic review
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